I had an interesting conversation with my husband recently about marriage. We have been married for 20 years and, like most couples, have had ups and downs. Here are some observations about marriage that we have noticed:
1. Marriages that last are founded on the idea that marriage is from God and divorce is not an easy escape hatch.
2. Marriages that last have spouses who show mutual respect and appreciation for one another.
3. Marriages that last draw on the strengths of each spouse. In other words, roles are determined by each person’s gifts and abilities rather than conventional ideas of gender roles.
4. Marriages that last have spouses who find or maintain common interests so they don’t get dissatisfied, especially after the kids are grown.
5. There must be a level of trust that allows both partners to discuss anything without fear of rejection or retaliation.
6. If things are getting stale in the marriage, it’s up to both partners to find ways to reconnect.
7. Each person must work to always see their partner the way God sees them.
8. Teamwork is required.
In my practice I’ve counseled with people who have been married from 3 months to 25+ years. In almost every case, the problems began with selfish expectations and disappointment on the part of one or both of the partners.
If you are struggling in your marriage, there is hope. All of the things listed above can be achieved if you and your spouse are willing to look honestly at where your relationship is and work to get it where you want it to be.