The holidays are fast approaching. For some, these are joyful times to be eagerly anticipated and for others, they are stressful times to be dreaded. Your approach to the holidays may also be influenced by your temperament as much as or more than your circumstances.
If you host holiday celebrations and you love having lots of people in your home, or you love attending large gatherings, you may be Sanguine. The Sanguine tends to love the decorations, the activities, the hustle and bustle, the traditions, the food, and the general festive atmosphere of the season. They will be the ones with grand plans and little preparation. The danger for the Sanguine is the tendency to take on too much and then feel overwhelmed, which can trigger a need for time to self-indulge. In order to prevent this, the Sanguine needs others to help them get the tasks done. The Sanguine will also want everyone to experience all they have prepared for the holidays, so they may invite many people to participate. They may become depressed if they are not acknowledged for the work they have put into celebrations and events.
The Sanguine can make the most of the holidays by accepting invitations to others’ events. They may need to go shopping for gifts rather than purchasing them online. Sanguine people also may want to host several smaller events or “come and go” events rather than one grand event so that they may have the opportunity to enjoy more of their friends and family without wearing out those with less social stamina than they have.
For those who are Melancholy, everything described above sounds horrible. Melancholy people will likely prefer a few small gatherings of well-known friends, maybe even just family. They also do not want to be out doing something festive every day or night of the season; they need down time from others. Another important need for Melancholy people is to be able to choose which events to attend and how long they will stay, as well as time to prepare for those occasions. While a small part of them may want to participate, another part would be happier staying home alone.
The Melancholy may enjoy the holidays best when they get to choose when, where, and with whom they spend time. They will do better with shopping online than in person, allowing them to avoid crowds. Melancholy people also need to be able to retreat from large gatherings for short periods of time to regenerate. The loved ones of the Melancholy need to communicate expectations and then stick to the plan to help them enjoy their time together. If an event is going to be long or have an undefined ending, the Melancholy may want to take their own car so that the extroverts can stay and be social longer while the Melancholy quietly withdraws.
Choleric people are great organizers and may host or attend events, especially where they can network. The Choleric person may want to go to events and dread them at the same time. They can be charming and engaging, but they do not really enjoy people unless they are helping the Choleric to meet some goal or need. If the Choleric hosts, they are more likely to cater than do the cooking. They are also likely to send someone else to do the shopping for them, but they will want credit for the gift.
Choleric people want and need to be in control of their circumstances and will not tolerate being controlled by others, even those who are well-meaning. To reduce the stress of the holidays for the Choleric, loved ones can allow them to make their own choices about which events to attend. Make sure they get recognition for any service or accomplishments they do. Provide them with love and affection on their terms. For the Cholerics’ part in reducing stress, they need to recognize those around them as having rights, opinions, and feelings that matter. They will help their loved ones have good holidays by listening to them and believing in them.
Those with a Phlegmatic temperament may attend events if invited, but probably will show up late and leave early and maybe even take a nap while they are there. Phlegmatic people will not likely host a big event alone. If they host, they will likely delegate responsibilities to others. They typically sit back and observe at gatherings rather than initiate interactions, though they can (and need to) socialize some. They will not participate in drama or make excessive demands on others. They may wait until the last minute to do their shopping online and will likely buy practical gifts.
The Phlegmatic person needs to find balance during the holidays. Choosing wisely how to expend their low energy will reduce the stress of the busyness of the season. Phlegmatic people need to maintain their routines as much as possible and remember to balance diet, exercise, rest, and work. They also need to remember that their loved ones need them to engage at times and stay engaged.
The Supine person wants the big holiday events, but is afraid to hope everyone will show up for them. The holidays are stressful for the Supine who has expectations about how the season will go but are afraid to speak up for what they want. They may work tirelessly to pull off the expectations of others, then get angry or feel used because they did not receive recognition for all the work they did. The Supine wants everyone to have a good time but may feel let down themselves if they are not able to connect deeply with their loved ones. As for gift giving, the Supine will likely prefer a detailed and specific list of gift ideas from their loved ones so that they know they are giving exactly what their loved ones want. However, they may struggle to provide such a list of their wishes.
To lower the stress for a Supine person, they need to first learn to moderate their expectations. They also need to be willing to speak up when there is something they want or need. Loved ones can help the Supine by recognizing their efforts to make the season enjoyable for them and expressing gratitude. Another way to support Supines during the holidays is to assist them in making decisions and work alongside them to make events happen.
All of us can reduce stress, no matter our temperament, by remembering the point of the season. It starts with Thanksgiving and continues to the birth of our Savior. If we get caught up in the parties and gifts, we may lose sight of this and cause ourselves to dread the holidays instead of enjoying the opportunities they can bring to spend time with friends and loved ones.
It is my sincere hope that you will take time to consider how to best approach the holidays with grace for yourself and for your loved ones. If you would like to learn more about your temperament, feel free to contact me by texting me at 972-694-4753 or complete the contact page on my website www.tabletministries.com .